tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post1318994059541291910..comments2023-06-22T06:46:19.888-07:00Comments on Just another disenfranchised father: ExtremitiesJohn Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05326982429461344063noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-20933815221923688282010-03-05T18:25:19.116-08:002010-03-05T18:25:19.116-08:00Mister M. this post is ages ages old, but I was w...Mister M. this post is ages ages old, but I was wrong! I just came across a stat re: parents who kill their children- and the winner is: MOMS. by a landslide:<br /><br />http://jayhammers.blogspot.com/2010/02/who-kills-kids-surprise-women-win-again.html<br /><br />I should have checked the research before I said that. My apologies.<br /><br />As a whole, men commit more murders than woman do, but they tend to leave their kids out of it.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-42551749990446720992008-02-12T11:09:00.000-08:002008-02-12T11:09:00.000-08:00(Father of 3 - separated wife returned after havin...(Father of 3 - separated wife returned after having a child with her boyfriend)<BR/><BR/>Separation from one's children is so stressful that it feels like the death of all meaning.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-76296973692366703582008-02-12T01:45:00.000-08:002008-02-12T01:45:00.000-08:00@AnonymousI am just floored by some of the things ...@Anonymous<BR/><BR/>I am just floored by some of the things you've said here. Nothing, NOTHING, can ever begin to justify murdering one's child. I don't care what she was going through. I don't care if Tim was the biggest sleaze alive and had 5 underage mistresses.....NOTHING will absolve the mother from responsibility for what she did. Now if she truly was suffering in some terrible situation, I WOULD have had pity on her....back before she took the life of her son. As it is, the only people I have pity for is the child who's life was cruelly ended far too soon, and those left to deal with the aftermath of her actions.Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17628973995752281009noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-89185614821959385102008-02-11T19:54:00.000-08:002008-02-11T19:54:00.000-08:00why is it when a woman murders, she can't be held ...why is it when a woman murders, she can't be held responsible? "It was the man who abused her!" "He cheated!" "She had a breakdown." But our murderer took time to murder, took steps, wrote notes, thought about it. She did what she did. There is very little question - it was a premeditated murder of her own son, carried out so as to torture her husband. Nothing that I can think of in this world can mitigate that. If she had time to commit this crime, she had time to run away, to go to a shelter, to do a million things. I find the comments condemning the husband very disturbing and troll-like. The only motivation I see for them are justifying suicide, torture, and murder, in the interest of defending a female murderer at any cost.MisAnDropehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04002635532122273531noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-77299433973932721462008-02-10T09:46:00.000-08:002008-02-10T09:46:00.000-08:00WOW In our culture, since the 60's, we have done a...WOW <BR/>In our culture, since the 60's, we have done an incredible diservice to the young females during upbringing. They are rarely punished for anything. This causes erratic and over the top behavior in even minor situations. I have learned in my dealings with teens that a very strong and positive attitude on my part, along with NEVER using false praise or thin platitudes to deal with their problems or bad attitudes, ALWAYS results in incredibly high levels of respect from them. Even using the same technique with my contemporaries, male and female alike, gives me a solid reputation of stability and judgement they trust. How does this relate? If we build real character and judgement in our children, a significant amount of this self centered and selfish behavior simply is not in the spectrum of behavior that they will consider useful. I am sad to say that I believe this instance is an example of an undisciplined and totally self centered personality that has never been called to task for any of her bad behavior in the past.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-64705749549422650442008-02-05T08:49:00.000-08:002008-02-05T08:49:00.000-08:00"I think that the courts (both legal and public op...<I>"I think that the courts (both legal and public opinion) are more lenient of woman who kill because they do it less often."</I><BR/><BR/>Excuse me? They kill and neglect their children alone or with a new partner (spouse or boyfriend) far more often than biological fathers do. That's reality.<BR/><BR/>Despite this, they are treated far more leniently in both the court of law and the court of public opinion for having committed like-crime (across the board). Also reality.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-33528288575193110562008-02-04T09:37:00.000-08:002008-02-04T09:37:00.000-08:00Ok... OK OK.. everybody deep breaths- can we leave...Ok... OK OK.. everybody deep breaths- can we leave ou the feminazi rhetoric for a minute?<BR/><BR/>In the interest of full disclosure. I knew Paula. Granted I knew her in high school. We were not friends really, we did some of the same activties and our circle of friends overlapped here and there. I had not seen or spoken to her in over twenty years. Someone posted on a reunion website that she had died and taken her child with her. They did not have any details. Shocked and curious I did a web search and ended up finding the whole twisted tale.<BR/><BR/>Back to my comment. Paula was clearly suffering from a serious mental breakdown. When mental health professionals describe what Paula did as being "altruistic" they do not mean literally so; they are describing (in this case Paula's) state of mind. Her confused, distorted state of mind that would lead her to commit an act so unspeakable. From the article and the portion of the note tht Tim made public, it seems that her notivation was more vengefull that altruistic ( trying to protect Ryan from a potentially abusive father)however since he did not disclose the entire contents of the note, we do not know what elese it said. It seems to me that the bigger problem here, is that we still after more than 100 years, have NO IDEA how to help people who are suffering from mental illness whether brought on by a temporory crisis in the case of Paula, or in thecase of a long-term chronic instability in the case of John Hogan.<BR/><BR/>I think that the courts (both legal and public opinion) are more lenient of woman who kill because they do it less often. So when it happens, we all think, that's so unusual- what drove her to that? She must be sick! and guess what? A lot of the time she is. Andrea Yates was for sure. Susan Smith, I don't think so. Lots of times men who kill are mentally ill too. A lot of the time though, they're just a-holes.<BR/><BR/>The posters that say this is all Tims fault, as Paula accused in her note, are just wrong. Yeah, he sure is a creep, and a jerk and a louse but nothing he did can justify what Paula did. Nothing.<BR/>Her family knew she was in trouble, and maybe Tim did too, given the distance between Paula adn her family (I mean geographical distance) and the strained situation between Tim and Paula, and no one ever thinks that someone they beleive they know well is capable of such a thing.<BR/><BR/>My sympathies to all involved.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-43873844313958676442008-02-03T08:09:00.000-08:002008-02-03T08:09:00.000-08:00i love your blog - my husband is divorced and his ...i love your blog - my husband is divorced and his first wife has really put him through the ringer when it comes to their kids. just to sum it up - they call her new husband "Poppa." i mean there is so much more - but that right there should give you an idea of the type of person she is.<BR/><BR/>thank you for this blog. it lets us know we are not alone. i'll try and keep up the comments!Allison Profetahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06118101231027631238noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-62609937680097564172008-02-03T04:18:00.000-08:002008-02-03T04:18:00.000-08:00I will rebut your argument. Anon stated: No o...I will rebut your argument. <BR/><BR/> Anon stated: No one said they would kill their child. And I don't think anyone here said taking her child was the right decision. However, in honor of your professor, you told this story because "extreme cases" "shed the most light on our general understanding." <BR/><BR/> Abaddon says: Much of this from a logical perspective is retroactive bullshit to speak plainly. <BR/><BR/>"Anon (whatever) says: Can't we at least try to understand her motives?"<BR/><BR/> Abaddon says: No, her motives I am sure are understood, however they do not matter Anon. You miss the point entirely." <BR/><BR/><BR/>Anon said: From what has come out about Tim Parmeter, altruism and not spousal revenge seems to be the reason for her action.<BR/><BR/>Abaddon said: "I will not be the first to call this complete bullshit, however the mark of altruism, isn't extermination madame. Perhaps you your words were confused. Maybe you were looking for the word eugenics Ms. Sanger?"<BR/><BR/><BR/>Anon said: "Parenting is all about putting a child first."<BR/><BR/><BR/> Abaddon said: Fucking Hypocrite and Liar. May I add full of Excrement.<BR/><BR/><BR/> I digress. <BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/> Anon said: "In her suicidal state, she thought that was what she was doing. She didn't want to live anymore and didn't want leave her son behind to be raised by an adulteror and sexual predator."<BR/><BR/> Abaddon says: How simple you really are anon. Lets forget morality for a second, as many people tend to do in moments of crisis. I am going to explain this to you in simple words, YOU ARE MAKING EXCUSES FOR A WOMAN. You acknowledge she has killed her children, however we still hear an excuse for her. I am sure there is an excuse for everyone on why they killed their kids.<BR/><BR/> Thats ok, they can make more kids right? <BR/><BR/> Strength and Honor <BR/><BR/><BR/> <BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/> <BR/><BR/><BR/><BR/>Stop hiding behind your moral curtain and stating the obvious - we all know murder is wrong. Perhaps the rest of us might gain some understanding and glean some lessons from this tragic story. Wasn't that the purpose of posting this blog in the first place?<BR/><BR/>"No law or ordinance is mightier than understanding."<BR/>-PlatoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-36930982759400971162008-02-02T00:00:00.000-08:002008-02-02T00:00:00.000-08:00anon 2:35 said...Stop hiding behind your moral cur...anon 2:35 said...<BR/><I><BR/>Stop hiding behind your moral curtain and stating the obvious - we all know murder is wrong. Perhaps the rest of us might gain some understanding and glean some lessons from this tragic story.<BR/></I><BR/><BR/>Ok, here are two:<BR/><BR/>(1) Women who murder their own children are treated much more sympathetically than men are.<BR/>(2) The attitude of treating women who murder children with greater lenience is likely to <BR/>inspire further child murders. <BR/><BR/>From those two small nuggets of understanding I can derive a third :<BR/><BR/>Attitudes of people like you with your selective sense of 'understanding' serve to enable<BR/>further murders of children by mothers. Your search for noble motives and causes is certain<BR/>to boil down to some version of "The devil made her do it" (The devil being, of course a man). <BR/><BR/>Hope this helps.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-213294299812197562008-02-01T17:04:00.000-08:002008-02-01T17:04:00.000-08:00Poor dear Paula was a "battered woman" who killed ...Poor dear Paula was a "battered woman" who killed her child out of altruism. She saved her child from certain abuse from its father. Not only that, but with her suicide note, she punished that batterer for existing. You go girl! Too bad you're dead, or else you'd be a star on Oprah.<BR/><BR/>If you can believe such stupid, revolting crap, you are qualified to work at a "battered women's shelter." I'd guess that anon 2:35 is a director of one. Either that or a law (sic) professor.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-78895007039798401812008-02-01T15:44:00.000-08:002008-02-01T15:44:00.000-08:00Anon (2:35), I'm assuming it is you who wrote "I k...Anon (2:35), I'm assuming it is you who wrote "I know I wouldn't leave my child to be raised by an ex-spouse who is a adultering, sexual predator" which, from context, strongly implies that you think killing the child was a preferred option should you also choose suicide. I find the notion of altruism as a motivation for infanticide twisted at best. I am not hiding behind any moral curtain. The idea is simply indefensible.<BR/><BR/>Given the circumstances and the note written by Paula, "signed" by Ryan, I find it nearly impossible to perceive any other motive but revenge. We do not yet know what Tim has really been up to, and even if we take it at face value, adultery with a 17 year old is still not sufficient to even begin to excuse her actions. There is as yet no claim that he is a "sexual predator" who might attack infant boys, let alone his own son. <BR/><BR/>If Tim had murdered his son and killed himself because Paula slept with some 16 year old boy, you would not even begin to defend him.John Doehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05326982429461344063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-66357730818756842822008-02-01T14:35:00.000-08:002008-02-01T14:35:00.000-08:00John Doe, Wow, just wow. No one said they would ki...John Doe, Wow, just wow. <BR/><BR/>No one said they would kill their child. And I don't think anyone here said taking her child was the right decision. However, in honor of your professor, you told this story because "extreme cases" "shed the most light on our general understanding." <BR/><BR/>Can't we at least try to understand her motives? From what has come out about Tim Parmeter, altruism and not spousal revenge seems to be the reason for her action. Parenting is all about putting a child first. In her suicidal state, she thought that was what she was doing. She didn't want to live anymore and didn't want leave her son behind to be raised by an adulteror and sexual predator.<BR/><BR/>Stop hiding behind your moral curtain and stating the obvious - we all know murder is wrong. Perhaps the rest of us might gain some understanding and glean some lessons from this tragic story. Wasn't that the purpose of posting this blog in the first place?<BR/><BR/>"No law or ordinance is mightier than understanding." <BR/>-PlatoAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-44624124476660520232008-01-31T16:12:00.000-08:002008-01-31T16:12:00.000-08:00Anon (2:10) that's a whole new use for the word "a...Anon (2:10) that's a whole new use for the word "altruism".<BR/><BR/>"I know I wouldn't leave my child to be raised by an ex-spouse who is a adultering, sexual predator"<BR/><BR/>So you'd rather kill your child? Wow. Just wow.John Doehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05326982429461344063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-49660893434256168772008-01-31T14:10:00.000-08:002008-01-31T14:10:00.000-08:00Many posters believe her motive for taking her son...Many posters believe her motive for taking her son's life was spousal revenge and not altruism (both reasons for fillicide). That opinion is based on: <BR/><BR/>1. an article written by a CBS Sports reporter who covers college baskeball. His big stories include projecting the field of 64 for the NCAA tournament and how a top 25 team performed last night.<BR/><BR/>2. a one-sided story told to this sports writer by the spouse that is still alive. <BR/><BR/>Sheesh, get a grip. <BR/><BR/>Tim Parmeter told the story his way. He doesn't want a reader to believe that his suicidal wife might have had altruistic reasons for taking Ryan with her. I may not be suicidal, but in a custody battle, I know I wouldn't leave my child to be raised by an ex-spouse who is a adultering, sexual predator. (I know, an alleged sexual predator and adulteror until convicted)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-14344561157717856662008-01-31T09:01:00.000-08:002008-01-31T09:01:00.000-08:00I can't believe what I'm witnessing here.John didn...I can't believe what I'm witnessing here.<BR/><BR/>John didn't defend the actions of anyone, he tells it like it is; MURDER IS WRONG.<BR/><BR/>And here you people are trying to justify Paula's actions by condemning Tim? Thats not the issue at hand here. Tim was a scumbag, but he didn't kill anyone. He didn't tell Paula to write suicide notes then kill herself. He just simply was not satisfied in his marriage, so he wanted out, and she couldn't handle it. Would anyone justify the school shooting incidences because the "initiator" was the victim of abuse? Probably not. Well, I guess if its a woman nowadays, they could probably be martyred.<BR/><BR/>And as far as "somebody is going to die" goes, maybe he was contemplating suicide himself, who knows? You're jumping to conclusions because in the eyes of feminazis, men are just out there to screw them, and thats all they're trying to do. <BR/><BR/>And the most important part is, Paula had time to think about this. She didn't want to end her own misery and pain, she wanted it inflicted upon someone else.<BR/><BR/>Now picture this, george divorces mary and years later, remarries with kate and has a beautiful baby boy. Mary then brutally murders kate and the baby not because she hated them, but because she hated george. Would you have thought of the situation differently if this happened? <BR/><BR/>Until next time, I hope you feminazi die as wrinkled fat spinsters.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-45150091311587590872008-01-31T08:56:00.000-08:002008-01-31T08:56:00.000-08:00Deep in the darkest recesses of my mind, there is ...Deep in the darkest recesses of my mind, there is a fear that my psycho ex-wife could ultimately bring about the demise of my children in her effort to unleash a maximum amount of chaos and terror in my life and the lives of my loved ones.<BR/><BR/>If you let it creep to far into your conscious mind - it'll eat you alive, but make no mistake - it's something I live with every single day.<BR/><BR/>As many as 10% of those with what I strongly suspect my wife of having (borderline personality disorder) - kill themselves. I just hope that if she ultimately decides this is the route she is going to take, that she doesn't take my amazing children with her.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-7222703793447875352008-01-31T06:55:00.000-08:002008-01-31T06:55:00.000-08:00It astonishes me that there are so many people aro...It astonishes me that there are so many people around who are prepared to even begin to defend Paula's actions on the basis of anything that Tim did. Not even that, they seem to think that Paula is right to have claimed it to be all his fault even as she was gassing Ryan and having him write goodbye notes to his Da-Da. The mere thought of that fills me with grief and revulsion. What is wrong with you people? Don't you believe in personal responsibility for your own actions? Or is it that she is the woman, and therefore is entitled to blame a man if it's to her convenience. If the genders were swapped, you'd have no trouble putting all the blame on Tim and excusing anything Paula did as the response to an obviously twisted man. Paula was a transparently very troubled woman. Do you think that would not have had an effect on Tim? Figure it out. It's not rocket science.John Doehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05326982429461344063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-83546165637277925962008-01-30T20:43:00.000-08:002008-01-30T20:43:00.000-08:00More info.Sex scandal in small town adds twist to ...More info.<BR/>Sex scandal in small town adds twist to murder-suicide tragedy<BR/><BR/>http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0130parmeter.html<BR/><BR/>Article reads:<BR/>"Among the more wrenching claims: On Dec. 29, 2006, the night before Paula Parmeter, 37, and son Ryan were found dead of carbon-monoxide poisoning, Tim Parmeter was with his teenage paramour."<BR/><BR/>In the initial CBS article, Tim Parmeter said. "I was like, 'Somebody is going to die. I don't know who. But somebody is going to die.'" <BR/><BR/>The tragedy is that the father knew something was wrong and could have prevented this suicide and the loss of his son. Instead, while his soon to be ex-wife and child were in their garage, this father was in his office bathroom being "amorous" with his underage mistress. If he was a good father, why didn't he protect his son? I do wonder about a father who didn't call for help when he suspected that someone was going to die. This is a terribly sad and tragic story.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-53882281283588689032008-01-30T20:30:00.000-08:002008-01-30T20:30:00.000-08:00I cannot believe that taxpayers actually spend mon...I cannot believe that taxpayers actually spend money to produce this tripe. I could never condone the death of my children, irregardless of the circumstance. Whatever sick soul produced that, get help and soon, you are far beyond lost.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-48010574280435530082008-01-30T15:07:00.000-08:002008-01-30T15:07:00.000-08:00John Doe instinct tells me Anon 12:26 is being del...John Doe instinct tells me Anon 12:26 is being deliberately inflammatory just to stir the pot.Agent Xhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05753437774400460309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-1635661675503502802008-01-30T15:00:00.000-08:002008-01-30T15:00:00.000-08:00Anon (12:26) are you actually saying it is OK for ...Anon (12:26) are you actually saying it is OK for a parent to kill their children and themselves in order to revenge against a wayward spouse, and moreover that this ultimately destructive behavior is that spouse's responsibility? My reaction to that is that you are potentially as dangerous a personality as Paula. Get help.John Doehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05326982429461344063noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-37440963695539943602008-01-30T12:26:00.000-08:002008-01-30T12:26:00.000-08:00Tim Parmeter brought this on himself period. He i...Tim Parmeter brought this on himself period. He is to blame 100 percent just like Paula said. <BR/>yes maybe she was unstable, and she was wrong to kill her kid, but I see a woman here who simply refuses to put up with the kind of crap that her unfaithful, adulterous husband is trying to drag her through. This should serve as a serious warning to all the people out there who mess around behind their spouses back and those who don't think divorce is "the end of the world". Yes, divorce IS the end of the world to a lot of people and Paula drew a line and Tim will pay for it by rotting in hell forever.<BR/>I guess we will never know, but I'm willing to bet that if Tim was a faithful husband, Paula would be a stable wife and their kid would still be alive.<BR/>The point is, this legal insanity in America has got to stop somewhere and people need to start acting like responsible adults.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-77536625778561855992008-01-29T08:25:00.000-08:002008-01-29T08:25:00.000-08:00Ugh. Just another reason I'm scared to get marrie...Ugh. Just another reason I'm scared to get married--if I end up married to, and having children by, an unstable man (Heaven forbid), I'd probably end up suffering through whatever he can dish out, rather than putting my kids through a divorce--or worse, watching him become the next John Hogan.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-38525567050714109122008-01-28T17:48:00.000-08:002008-01-28T17:48:00.000-08:00Even if those stories about Mr. Parameter are true...Even if those stories about Mr. Parameter are true, what gives her the right to kill her child? Perhaps the feminists simply consider that a Post-Uteral Abortion? Are you somehow going to defend her actions, because the child's father is an "alleged" child "molester"? This is what seriously troubles me about any "womens-only" movement. It's OK for Andrea Yates to MURDER her four children one at a time, in succession , because she was "psychologically" unbalanced. I suppose it was the husbands fault for going to work everyday and paying for her house, food, bills, clothes, ect ect. Just like you seem to be trying to defend another womans actions for killing her child along with herself. <BR/><BR/> Scott Peterson however, where is he at again? What is he doing right now? I can assure you that he isn't in some psych-ward, talking about the "issues" he had with the victim of his crime.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com