tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post114356069929363690..comments2023-06-22T06:46:19.888-07:00Comments on Just another disenfranchised father: NOW and joint custody in NYJohn Doehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05326982429461344063noreply@blogger.comBlogger1125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16103538.post-1143850168232346082006-03-31T16:09:00.000-08:002006-03-31T16:09:00.000-08:00Executive Director Danny Guspie, Fathers Resources...Executive Director Danny Guspie, Fathers Resources International responds to Marcia A. Pappas article: " Joint custody bill not in child's interest" March 28, 2006: <BR/> <BR/>March 30th, 2006<BR/> <BR/>Dear Ms. Pappas:<BR/> <BR/>How sad that you oppose love from a father who wants to be involved with his child. Even sadder is your lack of insight about what a child needs, wants and requires of both their parents before during and especially after a divorce. <BR/> <BR/>ALL CHILDREN WANT A FAMILY. That means a Mom and a Dad, brothers and sisters. I have to ask - do you have a family? Do you even have children? Do you have a good man in your life? How is your relationship with your Dad? How about your Grandfather? <BR/> <BR/>The number one persistent fantasy of a child of divorce is that Mom and Dad will make up, and get back together. Absent that, they will stop fighting. You reduce it to money. Involved men pay child support without hesitation. That's just common sense. <BR/> <BR/>Lets call it for what it really is: What YOU oppose is LOVE. What you are advocating for is HATE, <BR/> <BR/>Hate is never a solution, especially when children are caught in the middle between parents. Nor is more government intervention your solution. <BR/> <BR/>HERE IS REALITY: Government can't fund itself and now it is using our children as a funding source. Follow the money in child support enforcement. Also follow the money in where child support goes when it is paid - YOU CAN'T. There is no accountability for that support for those women who do not spend it on the kids.<BR/> <BR/>And if you are not the dad, but have to pay because the laws encourage paternity fraud - where is the fairness in that? And what about the Bradley amendment? And what about your own constituencies, grandmothers who are denied time with grandkids, young women who want to see their Dads but are blocked from Mom. Aren't these things as important?<BR/> <BR/>Therefore you oppose the solution to that which you say you seek - fairness. Isn't that a fact?<BR/> <BR/>You are saying that all men do not love their children that we are all irresponsible, that men win in Family Court because we have the money. That's the same ignorant sentiment that is the very foundation of all hate, racism and genocide. <BR/> <BR/>I oppose YOUR dishonest arguments against shared parenting: Children's rights are not bound up with one parent. Children's Rights are independently their own. They have a right to the love and support of two parents. Rarely does it work that way in Family Court.<BR/> <BR/>Your statistics are self-serving and completely wrong. The truth is this; those who have them commissioned can manufacture them. <BR/> <BR/>Here is the truth: No man would ever marry a woman thinking he was anything but an equal partner, nor vice-versa. And that is the presumption before you enter Family Court.<BR/> <BR/>It was equally wrong 100 years ago that men automatically got custody. It's just as wrong today that women get that same presumption. It strips away the dignity every parent based upon a LIE.<BR/> <BR/>Calling Family Court biased in favour of men makes no sense at all when women have the advantage of organizations like yours, unconstitutional laws like VAWA that do not speak about violence against male children and men, child support laws that force fathers to pay for children that are not theirs if they miss some artificial 30 day deadline and the Bradley amendment. Show me a law on the books for men that do these things to women.<BR/> <BR/>The foundation of YOUR lie is this: That all women are saints and men devils. You are saying women are good and men are bad. <BR/> <BR/>That's a stereotype. That's what good women in the 70's fought against. So why are you engaging in it? Your doing the very thing that your movement originally sought to end.<BR/> <BR/>Women murder, rape and abuse just as good as a man does. It's not about gender; it's about morality - Good versus Evil and Right versus Wrong. There are many women who never pay a dime of child support when they lose custody, and Family Courts who bend over backwards to accommodate "the poor woman".<BR/> <BR/>Liberation for women and men incorporate humanism, dignity, compassion, and collaboration. Peace is always the primary best interest of the child. When there is peace, money flows to kids, not lawyers and special interest groups like yours.<BR/> <BR/>Your views are really hate mongering. Wrapping it in "Apple Pie and Mom" does not change that.<BR/> <BR/>Real liberation is about stepping up to the plate, not blaming others. Not being dependent on anyone or anything. Focusing on the solution rather than blame. Having an attitude of inclusiveness and partnership.<BR/> <BR/>Yes, some men are irresponsible. Not because they are men though. Because they are irresponsible human beings - Period.<BR/> <BR/>What you are saying that a woman never:<BR/> <BR/>• Initiates a relationship;<BR/> <BR/>• Pursues men for a date;<BR/> <BR/>• Shames men into marital commitment<BR/> <BR/>• Lobbies for a huge diamond ring<BR/> <BR/>• Demands a big costly fantasy wedding<BR/> <BR/>• Demands a honeymoon that is beyond reasonable means<BR/> <BR/>• Ever lies about her age, nor use of birth control<BR/> <BR/>• Gets depressed when the "the honeymoon" is over<BR/> <BR/>• Never makes a household miserable when they don't get their way<BR/> <BR/>Do all women act this way? Are all women irresponsible? Of course not. <BR/><BR/>Some do act this way though. Does this mean all women should be vilified? Of course not, that's stereotypical thinking and profiling. Its not because they are women, it is because they have low self-esteem and are searching for someone to validate their existence.<BR/> <BR/>98% of women initiate a separation and divorce. All without any encouragement to examine how they got themselves in the situation in the first place, and because it's "the man's fault". That's why so many women want to change us, shame us, medicate us and claim we are unnecessary.<BR/> <BR/>It's the women's fault for buying into: "You can have it all baby" and the man's for not being mature enough to say: "Sorry, you're not my type…"<BR/> <BR/>Both parties made the situation what it is. Both need to be responsible and share in the blame, and then move past it if there is to be real liberation from the poor choices made that created the situation. Relationships are partnerships.<BR/> <BR/>Finally - in your world men are bad, but women are the primary caregiver's. I guess that care giving wasn't too good for the last 30 years, because N.O.W. hasn't made young boys into good men yet.<BR/> <BR/>Perhaps the problem is not the money, but kicking the man out of the kid's life and for Mom's who know so little about the value good caring people bring to each other in our relationships.<BR/> <BR/>I was taught in the 70's that a man can do anything a woman can and vice-versa. <BR/><BR/>So I count myself lucky that after my divorce, I raised our kids. And when they felt they needed their mother, I let go without any regrets. Despite the facts that the Mom was not really a suitable parent. I trusted that our children needed to find that out for themselves. I did not engage in silly rhetoric like yours.<BR/> <BR/>And you know what - it all worked out. And even though I never got a dime in child support from their mother in nine years, I paid my child support without complaint for seven.<BR/> <BR/>Finally - the idea of custody is a false illusion. The state owns you, our kids and me. Need proof?<BR/> <BR/>I win custody. Six months later I make a decision. You as the other parent don't like my decision and take me to Court. Who makes the decision?<BR/> <BR/>The judge - the third branch of Government. Who gets the money - the lawyers.<BR/> <BR/>You are fighting the wrong enemy Ms. Pappas. But then, only an adult child of divorce like me would have the real life experiences to see such distinctions and call a hate mongerer on it and their nonsensical worldview that has nothing to do with LOVE and everything to do with GREED.<BR/> <BR/>For shame for crawling into bed with the lawyers, the State and the continued industrialization of divorce, the harvesting of your constituency who often lose every asset in Family Court chasing your illusions of VICTORY, when there can be no winners but the profiteers and finally for siding with the continued savage rape of a child's identity with rhetoric and polemics more suited to the Nuremburg Rally. <BR/> <BR/>Shame on you Ms. Pappas and double shame on you N.O.W.<BR/> <BR/>Danny Guspie<BR/>Executive Director<BR/>Fathers' Resources International<BR/><BR/><BR/>__________________________________________________________<BR/><BR/>FATHERS’ RESOURCES INTERNATIONAL<BR/><BR/>We Solve Men's Custody - Access - Support - Problems<BR/><BR/>Toll-Free - 1-888-54-Daddy (North America)<BR/>Local - (416) 861-0626/Voice<BR/>E-mail - info@fathers-resources.com<BR/><BR/>"WE HELP DIVORCED DADS WAGE PEACE IN FAMILY COURT"<BR/><BR/>WEB: <A HREF="http://www.fathers-resources.com" REL="nofollow">http://fathers-resources.com</A><BR/><BR/>BLOG: <A HREF="http://www.Divorced-Dad-Daily.com" REL="nofollow">http://www.Divorced-Dad-Daily.com</A><BR/><BR/>LISTEN TO OUR PODCAST - Divorced Dads Rights: DadCast<BR/><A HREF="http://www.fathers-resources.com/DadCast/tabid/621/Default.aspx" REL="nofollow">"http://www.fathers-resources.com/DadCast/tabid/621/Default.aspx"</A><BR/><BR/>Come to our free weekly clinics throughout Southern Ontario. <BR/><BR/>See the web Site for full details, free resources, new ideas and positive solutions To the difficulties children, men and families face in Family Court.<BR/><BR/>Learn how to “wage peace” in order to end war in Family Court.<BR/><BR/> <BR/><BR/>__________________________________________________________<BR/><BR/>"War is over (if you want it)" <BR/>John Lennon 1970<BR/><BR/>"World Peace (begins at home...)"<BR/> Danny Guspie 2004Danny Guspiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12699484050032273467noreply@blogger.com