Friday, October 20, 2006

I remember when lines like these used to be funny...

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."
--Robin Williams

"Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."
--Rod Stewart

"Leaving sex to the feminists is like letting your dog vacation at the taxidermist."
--Matt Barry

"I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy."
--Tom Clancy

"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL."
--Lynn Lavner

"My girlfriend always laughs during sex---no matter what she's reading."
--Steve Jobs (Founder, Apple Computers)

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch."
--Jack Nicholson

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful."
--Robert De Niro

"There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men think, I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked."
--Jerry Seinfeld

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."
--Robin Williams

Sunday, October 01, 2006

An unusual custody argument...

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court.

But the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children.

The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from the chair and replied:

"Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

Credit: MoronLand

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