As with doubtless many fathers last week, I listened to Alec Baldwin's tirade to his daughter Ireland with a sinking heart, knowing that he's bought himself a world of (more) hurt while simultaneously understanding what he's going through. The game is to provoke the father mercilessly from a position of strength until he cracks, one way or another, and then point and condemn. In any normal walk of life, this is called bullying.
Every little crack in the father's armor must be exploited. Amplify and exaggerate the slightest flaw to the maximum possible. To the saddened cognoscenti, there will be no surprise to learn that Ms. Basinger has hired a bodyguard to "protect" Ireland from her own father. Anyone who's been on the butt end of a smear campaign will recognize this as yet another appeal to the gallery of unwashed masses, and surely it will work. Of course, if Kim's hired a bodyguard, Ireland must be in imminent danger from her father. It's obvious, isn't it?
Isn't it?
I'll tell you what's increasingly obvious: that Ms. Basinger is a manipulative, conniving piece of work with no consideration for her daughter besides her use as a vehicle for her venom against Alec.
I know what that's like, whatever you do will be wrong. The only hope is that others will catch on, but it's a forlorn hope. I shall be watching carefully.
Every little crack in the father's armor must be exploited. Amplify and exaggerate the slightest flaw to the maximum possible. To the saddened cognoscenti, there will be no surprise to learn that Ms. Basinger has hired a bodyguard to "protect" Ireland from her own father. Anyone who's been on the butt end of a smear campaign will recognize this as yet another appeal to the gallery of unwashed masses, and surely it will work. Of course, if Kim's hired a bodyguard, Ireland must be in imminent danger from her father. It's obvious, isn't it?
Isn't it?
I'll tell you what's increasingly obvious: that Ms. Basinger is a manipulative, conniving piece of work with no consideration for her daughter besides her use as a vehicle for her venom against Alec.
I know what that's like, whatever you do will be wrong. The only hope is that others will catch on, but it's a forlorn hope. I shall be watching carefully.
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9 comments:
Fathers are pushed out of their children's lives everyday in America. There is a financial incentive to do so for the states because they receive federal Title IV-D incentive monies for creating a non-custodial parent after a divorce.
Deans World is asking other bloggers to help. See http://deanesmay.com/posts/1176999611.shtml and help spread the word on this amazing story.
Link to actual story for our organization:
http://daddy.typepad.com/daddyblog/2007/04/robert_and_rob_.html
Thank you for your help! We really need to boost exposure of this event to stop the corruption in Michigan. Please Blog and Link to this story for our children in Michigan and across U.S.
Thanks,
Robert and Angela Pedersen
Well, I feel for Mr. Baldwin, but I think that high profile attention may be a good thing.
Of course, it is unfortunate that he didn't direct his tirade publicly to the papers about the issue that is making him crazy;
"Basinger faces a multicount contempt charge for blocking Baldwin's visitation rights and forbidding him from speaking with Ireland."
It would appear that parental alienation is in full swing.
It is nice to know that it isn't just us peons that get the shaft. Misery loves company, I suppose.
While I can understand your point of view, and can't confirm or deny it, some if the things that Mr. Baldwin said in that message, to his eleven year old daughter, were completely unacceptable.
If he suspects that Ms. Basinger is using their child to attack him, then she should be the focus of his rage, not an eleven year old child.
Telling your daughter "You have insulted me, you don't have the brains or decency as a human being. I don't give a damn if your 12-years-old, or 11-years old..." or "...I am gonna come out there for the day and I'm gonna straighten your ass out when I see you, do you understand me? I'm gonna really make sure you get it." or "...I'm gonna let you know just how I feel about what a rude little pig you really are. You are a rude thoughtless little pig, okay.", these are not exactly kosher. Even if he is angry at Kim, and she uses their child to get to him, his attitude towards his daughter in this phone message is unacceptable, in my opinion.
Just as I go, I'd like to state that I enjoy your site, and your articles. I may not always agree with you, though I often do, but your posts are well written and communicate wonderfully.
Keep writing!
Sincerely,
Alex
Alex, I admit that I am conflicted over what Baldwin actually said in that message. In real life, things are rarely as clean as we might like them to be. Mothers and fathers, even under normal circumstances, will sometimes vent their frustrations on their children in ways that others might find unacceptable. It is easy for someone to say "I would never call my child 'a rude little pig'" the day after they've actually called them "you rotten little toad" and forgotten all about it. Ireland is going to be far more damaged by the fallout rather than what her father actually said. That fallout is partly his fault for having said it, but I would put far more blame into the hands of Basinger for, in the face of a court order to the contrary, publicizing the whole thing.
OK, so it's unacceptable to you that he should have said that. If you were the judge, how would you punish him? How would you punish her? How would you avoid punishing Ireland?
Well, I wrote to you a while back about the PAS I went through, and you published my comment. However, what Mr. Baldwin did was totally sickening, and all too familiar to me.
It is NOT understandable NOR acceptable from the perspective of his child. Words like that leave scars for life. She can't just have a few cocktails and forget about it by morning, like Baldwin.
Those rifts between my father and I, still remaining to this day, even as I take care of him, are words like pig.
Rather than take the high road, Baldwin has chosen to join in. The only one I have sympathy for now is his child.
Yes, what Alec said was completely and utterly reprehensible. Although, without knowing anything else, how can you really pass judgment? I have met 12 year olds that really do deserve that response.
Have you never done anything that you are ashamed of?
Should you be publically shamed and have your ex partner imply to the world that you are a risk to your child? Do you believe based on that tirade that Alec IS a risk to his child?
What Basinger is doing is completely manipulation of opinion without having to prove anything. Now she can continue to block and refuse visitation (Which she already has contempt charges pending for) and receive no penalty for ignoring a legal order. Now that Alec is a "risk". Of course he's a risk, she had to hire a bodyguard! Even though he was 1000's of miles away. (Hmm. Looks like "stage presence" to me).
Yep, you shouldn't take your frustrations with this process out on the child. Easy to say. I like to think that I have succeeded - I certainly haven't used language like Alec's. I also think that I have exercised a level of restraint in dealing with my ex that borders on superhuman. What have I got to show for that? Lots of contact with my son, really, over 50%. High involvement and a stellar relationship that I work at every day because I can't trust my ex.
What else have I got? Clinical depression, high blood pressure, failure in my personal relationships, failure in my career (stress leave from a rising management position - toasted that promotion path), trust issues, self destructive compulsive behaviours, I am sure I can come up with more - is the ex and custody the root cause of all of that? No, not by itself, but it certainly is a big part.
The stories state that he has apologized to his daughter (and obviously he believes that his daughter is exercising some choice in this whole thing - a likely case)
I must agree with John Doe, life isn't clean and tidy. I haven't ever said things like Alec did to my child, but I consider myself to have a level of self control in the face of goading and provocation exceeding most of the population.
What I have done, is been angry with other aspects of my life and had the punishment exceed the crime . Taken away a privilege when the transgression was too minor.
Ya know,
I don't think that I got to my point - expressing anger is healthy. To his child, no, but swallowing it, like this system forces us to do, isn't healthy. If you express your anger as a male parent you are a "risk" to your child. Men are EEEEEVIL. That is the message that society has taken.
A last comment. After re-reading Alec's comment, if you change "pig" to "girl" and run it through - nah, it is still over the top. But it is a reprimand for being inconsiderate and rude to another person.
I guess, I wonder how Alec can get mad at Basinger for Ireland's behaviour? So he got mad at Ireland for Ireland's behaviour, and all the frustration boiled out. Now, he doesn't get to see his child, likely will have less visitation than he did before (which couldn't have been much if Basinger is on contempt charges, it takes a lot before a woman is charged in these things).
Consequence >> crime.
And because of the consequence, he won't really have the opportunity to sit down with his daughter in a timely fashion and try and make it up to her. Further alienating them.
All I can respond to that with is that there's alot to be said for stoicism.
I have been saying the exact thing all along before this incident. Men are attacked until they crack then there is a big show of what a monster the guy is. Females learn to play this game at an early age.
I know my own sister used to annoy the crap out of me unitl i smacked her. Then she would go running to my dad crying. Of course I was the bad guy in the end.
Now you have the family court system playing this game to shake down men for money and throw them in jail when they don't pay.
The only winning move is not to play. Marriage is a scam used by females and the government to enslave men. Stay out of it. You will lose.
The whole Baldwin incident should be yet another warning to men.
Stay single, don't shack up and don't get married.
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