Tuesday, July 29, 2008

What should I tell my son?

I suppose it's possible that one day I might see my son again, and one day I may have the opportunity to counsel him on matters of the heart, marriage, and fatherhood. Probably, the best I can hope for is that this insane world will have seen the foolishness of handing over decisions on the future of children of failed marriages to bigoted control freaks who think "at least one parental figure" means "only one parental figure", that this one figure should be paid to take the child from the other and the other should otherwise just disappear into the night. I can hope for this, but acting as if the hope had some chance of reality would be pretty stupid.

So what should I tell my son? Be vewy, vewy careful? That wabbit you're hunting is actually hunting you, and has much bigger guns than you do? Should I spoil a young man's fun with that?

And what of marriage? Maybe I won't have to counsel him against it, given the way things are going. Most young people don't see the point, never mind the hidden danger.

Children? I'd like grandchildren, both for my son and for the hope they might give me at least a consolation for what has been taken from me. But there is another danger there, that those children, at the behest of their mother and the complicity of the courts, might also be turned into a painful, grinding millstone around the neck of my son. I'd then be torn between hoping he'd carry that millstone willingly, however heavy, as I have tried to do for him, and fear that he'd learn from what he has seen happened to me and make himself as scarce as possible as quickly as possible.


Anonymous said...

I like your blog a lot. My husband is in the same boat as you are, and I on the other hand, am the mother of an amazing daughter with a deadbeat dad. Please keep writing...I'm gonna keep reading. :)

Joni said...

My soon to be hubby is in a similar situation. It's hard, it sucks, it's a constant exhausting fight, but don't give up. I've been doing a lot of research on this and am amazed at the amount of women that hold their kids hostage and destroy the father/child relationship, how can they say they love their kids and behave this way? I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

Unknown said...

As a daughter who was withheld from her father by, you guessed it, my mother, my heart aches reading your blog.

As a newly "adult" child, my father's relatives are beginning to talk to me and telling me what he went through when my mother dangled me over his head and refused to allow him to visit. I find it cruel and absurd.

Being a female, of course, this makes me want to smack my own gender over the head sometimes. My mother had a father, whom she loved. I'm sure a lot of women did.
So what are they doing taking their kids from THEIR fathers?

Anonymous said...

I'm going through this same thing, going on 3 months since I've so much as looked at my kids. This is hell.

Assuming I will ever see them again, what advice do I give my kids about marriage and having kids of their own? Oh, for my daughters it's no problem, they don't have anything to worry about in the current climate. But what about my son? I'm going to tell him to not have kids and never, ever get married. I'll cite Fred Reed.


Anonymous said...

Dave Chappelle did a skit on the "need' to have disclaimers signed before doing anything with a lady these days. Funny but telling...
I will tell my children that life must go on, that some people are cruel and giving birth is very different from parenting, to be vewy vwey careful, to be very critical, and I'll be by their side to assist, help in more ways than I am currently prevented by their mother from doing so.
As one woman who was abused by her mother this way puts it: they will loose the day your child(ren) come looking for you. Unfortunately he\she\they may never be able to heal, hell even know how a "loving" parent short-changed them by withholding from the love of another.
Keep up the spirit

MisAnDrope said...

Well, I have told my kids all what the story is, the the level that they can appreciate with respect to their age/maturity. I think that the truth is best. Anything less is patronizing and dissembling. The forces that drive young people to couple are very strong, and if your child is aware of the dangers, that child will be more careful about spouse that is chosen, if your child is called to marriage. You want your child to be careful, and as a male, you want him to be extra careful. If he is called to parenthood, and he waits till he is in his 30s to marry, he will have a lot of choices, and will hopefully be able to choose a wonderful, loving, and devoted wife, and not someone who is just looking for someone to fill their 'baby' checkbox.


Anonymous said...

"So what are they doing taking their kids from THEIR fathers?"

PAYBACK! Pure and simple... for harms done them real or (usually) imagined.

Hell hath no fury...